Matinee Musings

The stomach starts rumbling, I glance at the clock on the wall. Then my eye catches the other 3 clocks next to it, all showing time from different time zones, and I decide to look at my mobile.
Yups...its lunch time. Gather the other misfits, go to the cafeteria. Lurk around till we get a table. Start the eating. Then starts the talking.
'Suno yaar,' says the Punjabi.
'Why do you Madrasis always eat with your hands?' he asks, ripping his roti apart with both his hands. 'Have you never heard of spoons?'
I smile, taking a mouthful of my lunch with my spoon.
'Chennai aa? Dont talk about Chennai!' exclaims the Bihari, ever waiting for the opportunity to say that.
'Do you know how dirty the place is? The whole city smells', he says, trying not to scratch the rashes he acquired after coming down with Dengue during his visit to Bihar.
'Yes I kno! Its an awful place. I hated it.' says the Punjabi, who had stepped into Chennai for exactly two hours, enroute to Pondicherry.
'Yeah..I spent an year there. There arent even enough movie theatres in Chennai', says the Bihari, who had just watched Barfi, in all probability,  in a half decent theatre where humans, mosquitoes and cats watch movies together. Only the mosquitoes and cats dont have to pay the hefty 250  (at the minimum) bucks we humans pay.
'The food is really expensive too.' says the Kannadika, eating the subsidized office food.
'Really? You think Bangalore food is cheaper?', I ask, thinking about the Bangalore restaurants whose Chennai branches have the same food at cheaper rates.
'Do you know tender coconuts cost 10 bucks extra?' she asks, while I think about how much more vehicles and fuel cost in Bangalore.
'Arey I went to visit my husband in Chennai one weekend. Went shopping in T.Nagar. The place is soo crowded!',exclaims the Andhra girl, who had taken 40 minutes to travel the 4 kms from home to office that morning, because of the endless, time unbound Bangalore traffic.
'I dont think I ever want to go to Chennai after listening to you guys. Is it really as bad as you say it is?' asks the Dilliwala, picking on his food.
'Oh the weather there is horrible. It is only  hot, hotter and hottest' says the Bihari. 'Only aliens can survive there'
I smile again, my thoughts drifting off to what the Mother Ship I landed on would have looked like. And if Sheldon Copper was ever a pet in it.
'And your accents are sooo funny!' says the Punjabi, through his thick Punjabi accent.
'So? You have an accent too', I say, unable to resist anymore.
'But yours is funnier. I dont even know if you are talking in Tamil or English right now', he laughs at me, in the same Punjabi accent he doesnt think he has.
I smile again, thinking next time he says he has to pill a paaram* or i-ron his clothes, I should probably record it.
'At least I have company to talk to and eat with in this black and white work place', I think. 'I should probably divert the topic before I pull a Chandler and get sarcastic about their comments..out loud!'

'So do you guys watch sitcoms?', I ask out loud. Now there's a topic that can while away some time.
'What? What are sitcoms?' ask the Kannadika and the Andhra girls at the table, in unison.

And that, my dears, is when the lights around me flickered, the skys came crashing down on me, and when I hoped the Mayans hadnt just run out of ink or parchment or whatever it was, and the world really is going to end coming december.

*pill a param: fill a form

** The post is non fiction and based on actual conversations. Any resemblance to real life characters is purely non coincidental :D  

The Day That Was

The day came, and went.
No, I did not run away with my passport. Mainly because it was seized from me. And I was broke.
No, I did not trip and untangle my sari.
And no, I did not recognize most of the ppl who turned up.
And no, I did not curse the ppl who had the yummy looking wedding food while I was stuck on stage, even though it was a tremendous effort not to.
And no, I did not understand a word of the rituals and mantras that were being chanted.
But yes..yes I did have 5 buckets of paint poured over me.
Yes, my 6 year old cousin could not recognize me.
Yes, I did stand like a Gunda, even though I was draped in sari.
Yes, I did envy the friends who got to wear salwars and sit in the chairs.
Yes, I did get scolded by the pujari for making faces at my friends in the..umm..audience and for not sitting put.
Yes, I did whistle during the official wedding play time, cuz lets face it..the world is geared up for Dec 21st 2012, not july 15th 2012.
Yes, I did play the opponent's weakness and tickle him, when he proved to have too strong a grip on the coconut (again a part of the tambrahm-wedding-olympics)
Yes, I did get my jaw stuck after having the plastered smile on my face for a million hours.
Yes, the photographer said 'Madam...kulungi kulungi sirikadheenga madam' when I decided to get over the mind numbing boredom by giving a running commentary of the rest of the mandapam to my freshly made husband (blech...whattey awful sounding word..MediumBoss was right!)
Yes, the 2 days were long and yet, went by in a flash.
Yes, I did get married.
And yes, its been 2 months alrdy!
And to echo the sentiments of many,
God save the Queen...but who will save the Hulk?

Confessions of a Shopaphobic

You know how when you enter a shop and smell the new fabric and look at the sea of new multicolored clothes, you get this rush? I dont.
I am V, and I am a shopophobic. Alright, I accept it. I have selective shopophobia. I hate shopping for clothes. There, I said it.
I hate going from one store to another, trying out clothes. I hate the hustle and bustle that go along with the ritual of shopping. Everytime I pay for some expensive piece of cloth, I cry a little bit inside. I mean, think of the number of cheesecakes I can eat with all that money.
Its not just enough if you get the clothes, you just have to buy the accessories to go with it.
And if you roll your eyes when somebody suggests we check out other shops - after having checked out a million stores already, I should add - God help you. Especially if there's a wedding involved. And you are the bride. (But thats a whole other post altogther isnt it?)
I don't care if the slippers look good. I will not be able to walk too long with them. I don't care if the anklets look cool. They make an annoying noise. I don't care if the clothes in this shop are better than the ones you have already bought in another shop. Just..let..me..go!
For the love of God, they're just clothes. All they are supposed to do is cover you up. Or not cover you up. Whichever you choose.
Dont even get me started on people who say 'You are a girl. You should get used to shopping for clothes. People expect you to do it with them.'
Listen to me carefully when I say this. Nobody wants to go shopping with me. It's like inviting the Grinch over to their christmas party.
So leave me ALONE! I am happy with the clothes I have right now, thank you very much.

Say Wattt?

6 year old cousin: 'Once, when we were playing in the park, an old lady fell.'
Me: 'Oh no.'
6 year old: 'All my friends started laughing right in front of her.'
Me: 'That is bad.'
6 year old: 'Yeah! That is why...'
*drumrolls*
'....I turned to the other side and laughed.'

The Other Side

More QLC. More people around you getting married, including yourself. More people around you getting pregnant. More Joey like secrets to keep. More rounds of interviews. More graduation pictures. More saris. More expectations to be girlie. More number of friends in foriegn lands. More sitcoms. More global warming. More facebook birthday wishes. More Words with Friends. More kms on the aviator. More fruits. More food discussions. More power cuts. More earthquakes. More things to look forward to.

Lesser phone calls. Lesser meet ups. Lesser number of mails in perennial mailing thread. Lesser room at home cuz you're sister has graduated. Lesser ability to put mokkai to write on blogs. Lesser company to visit mocha. Lesser bunk-to-watch-movie-sessions. Lesser number of IPL matches watched. Lesser sitcoms (Yes I know! If you understand it, you understand it :D ). Lesser hair. Lesser petrol and diesel. Lesser tidel snacks. Lesser number of things to relate to with your close friends from back then. Lesser things to look forward to. Lesser number of days for the world to end.

So this is what the other side of 25 looks like.

When Great Minds Gather

Random Memory x

It was a warm Chennai sunday night. There was nothing on TV (I always find that there is never anything worth watchable on TV, weekend nights. It's their subtle way of saying get a life, I guess.) and the computer was being hogged by one of the two monster sisters.
So there I was, settled in the room with an already read Wodehouse book, while my mom and dad were reading some book too. The house was uncharacteristically quiet, when suddenly, the two monsters barged into the room.
One elder monster, let's call her M-1 had a dandiya stick in her hand.
The yonger monster was standing all excited behind her.
The three of us in the room looked up at their faces, when they suddenly started doing this:
M2(holding out her hand to M1): Aa..Kuchi!
M1(handing over the stick to M2):Aa...Pidi!
M2(holding out her hand to M1): Aa..Kuchi!
M1(handing over the stick to M2):Aa...Pidi!

After doing this for a while, both of them bowed to us.
M2 announced: "This performance of Kuchipudi was bought to you by M1 and M2. We hope you enjoyed it."
And both of them ran away from the room again, leaving us all staring at the door, wondering what had just happened.

PS: To those of you who did not understand this, learn Tamil! Or find out what Andhra's tradional dance is.

Louuuuuu

And as somebody's described it - Dopamine releasing!

I cant believe I was there! :D
Alright alright...I only saw specks on stage and waving hands...but still....louuuuuuuuuuu!
Also lou:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmCQu_3QlGc
Especially from 2:11 to 3:45
Aaah louuuu! :D :D

EG

Alright...so I am suddenly nostalgic about profs and my college. So this is dedicated to a certain Kevala-ramani :D
Given the backview:


and the top-view:



Find out which famous personality this is. And no, dont write it in the comment. I do not want to be targeted for Tax Evasion by the Government.

Note: To all wise guys, No! It is NOT me!
Note 2: I have been paying my taxes, on time, in perfect amount, as a good law abiding citizen, as of date.

Words

Words...powerful devices that can make you feel joy, anger, disappointment or excitement - all at the same thing, just because of the way they appear.
Such beauty, and yet such deceit, they can bring about.

Why am I gushing about words now?
Because I can across this somewhere:
"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile." ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 17

Its not poetry, I know. I mean, come on! Its from Fight Club! But its still better than the way my DS Prof conveyed it to the 4-5 students with their hands in the air, when he asked who (in the mostly failing class) had managed to get above 35%.
"Just because you are the top ten among garbage, it does not mean you are not garbage. You are still garbage."

You should have seen the hands-frozen-in-the-air students' faces :D

Journeys

This is an ode to my cab.
That's right..my cab. Well alright, my ex cab.
*Soft background music starts*
My cab, that has been with me through thick and thin.
The cab, that I stuck to, while it went through thick and thin.
The cab, which if had possessed eyes and ears, would have bawled like a baby.
The cab, which saw fist fights and wounds of war being inflicted on each of us.
The cab, which saw most of Chennai and many many movies on thirutu cds.
*Backkground music picks up volume*
The cab, which heard Margazhi Utsavams.
The cab, which saw many... *ahem* dramas unfold.
The cab, which saw breakfasts and lunches being stolen.
The cab, which felt the driver cowering behind the wheel, wondering if our company employed only zoo animals.

Aah...our cab.
*Background music softens again*

We miss you cab. I am sure you miss us too.

My apple and My orange 2