Thursday, March 23, 2017

Magical, indeed

Hello, there.

Yes, it is I. No, I did not drop into a black-hole, travel across time and help launch human-kind into an alternative, more sustainable world.

I did, however, do something even more impressive — I launched a baby out of my hoo-haa, even though he refused to come out for two frigging days after the signal turned green. More impressive than that – he's still functioning, after almost an year and a half now. We haven't broken him or had him replaced during the warranty period or anything. Parenting FTW!

Motherhood has certainly managed to evoke a lot of emotions that seem to have been lost under the layers of flab all these years. Some of these emotions, I do not even have words to express.

Take today morning, for instance. All was peaceful in the household. I was getting ready for an appointment, the H was taking a shower, and little !xobele was eating his breakfast while monkeying around – an integral part of his daily routine. Now, our little light-of-life is quite the clean freak. He might splash around on his own pee, he might try to catch cockroaches on the road. By God! He might even try to stick his face into the toilet to see what alternate universe it leads to; but what he cannot stand is a dirty hand. And it was because of this wonderful little quirk that I did not find it weird when he suddenly walked up to me in the other room and stuck out his hand, nor did I think twice when I wiped the brown gunk off his hand with my fingers.

Only to be followed by a moment of dawning realization and utter panic. You see, he was eating peanut butter with his breakfast; which is why the brown gunk made sense. But also a fact that needed to be considered in the situation — he was not wearing a diaper. Suddenly, it did not seem quite so obvious as to what the source of the gunk was.

The whirlwind of emotions I felt at that moment, I do not think I can ever put into words. That divine feeling as I realized that sniffing my fingers was really the only way I could decipher the brand of the brown gunk — priceless. I do not kid when I say that seconds seemed like hours. I caught hold of little !xobele's hand and held him in place lest he decided to run off to stomp on the more questionable possible source. My mind raced to think of a solution that did not involve my nose-buds, but panic conquered all.
I did, however, in that frozen frame of time, realize that this was something... special. Something I would never have been blessed enough to experience if not for parenthood.

The story does have a happy ending; it was peanut butter, after all. As excruciating as it was to lift up my hand to my nose, I got through it. Hey, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?

Don't such stories warm your heart and make you realize how intense and beautiful the Journey of Motherhood is?

No?
Ok. Suit yourself.

I shall be off, now. I need to hide the toilet brushes before little !xobele comes back. I caught him staring at them today morning and I am pretty sure he thinks they are giant, funny toothbrushes.

Magical, I tell you. 

Monday, May 11, 2015

Winter is coming

In less than a month. Oh you know what I mean! So I thought I would post a photo of myself.

Me - 1st from right. Top row.
Selfie

Friday, April 10, 2015

My Pregnancy Portfolio - Bear with me for this

The emotion that runs through when I come across a flight of stairs

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Press Release about Product Release

So the biggest Product Release I have ever worked on is going to happen in three months - I am going to push out *what is hopefully* a human being. (Though I wouldn't mind an alien...sometimes I think an alien is more probable. Unless you know, I release a tiny Kung Fu Panda. Now that I think of it, the rate at which it's kicking but then, sleeping through all ultrasounds, I think Po is the more probable outcome)
And yes, I am completely aware that two posts ago, I gave tips on avoiding this subject. And no, I did not give in just because random aunties asked me to. Or because my GoT responses did not work. I assure you, they still do. You can still use them all you want. 
We just decided it was time to produce a minion. And you know, train it to do minion-y stuff for us. So be nice to us, people. Else things like 'Nibbles, poop on her hand' and  'Tiny darling, why don't you puke on his nice bald spot?' will be very common place in your life.
Yes, Nibbles is the name of the minion right now - after the diaper toting grey mouse in Tom and Jerry that is constantly hungry. No, I am not eating to my heart's content and blaming it on the minion. Well, maybe a little bit. But you can't prove it! Ha!
What are we going to name the little one? We did think of little Copernicus or little
Mufasa or a little Schrodinger (and then definitely get a cat and call it Schrodinger's cat. Then teach Nibbles about the experiment, confusing the kid for life). But a friend pointed out !xobele is a rather nice name. I agree. Little !xobele it is. Don't anybody dare try and steal the name - somebody will-a get hurt real bad.

As with any product release, I have 'pressing' issues - issues that make me visit the loo a million times a day. Last week, I developed a huge heat boil on my eye. I looked exactly like Quasimodo- only instead of the hump on the back, I had a bump up the front. Radiant pregnancy glow, my ass. :D 

Ya..so to sum up, don't be surprised if you see me rolling along some sloped Bangalore road in the next few months - the rate at which I am going, we will probably need to sell our car and buy a tow truck. Just step aside, let me roll by, wave a hi maybe, but don't try to stop me. Nature did not provide me with brakes. Chances are, I will roll over you. 

Don't say I did not warn you.


Friday, September 5, 2014

The Lorax

You know it's time to get your eyebrows done when you look into the mirror and see:


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

GoT it, I say!

There is no denying it - as much as it pains me to say this - I am 27 years old.
So are most of my friends.
A recent survey among them has revealed that most need to tackle near and dear ones, random aunties and uncles, or younger cousins even, asking them about
a. their pending marriage
or
b. their pending spawning

So to make things interesting the next time this subject is broached, I have decided to propagate the art-of-GoT.
Here are a few samples:

"Your life will be so empty if you don't have kids right away"
"You know nuthin', aunty-o"

"What do you mean it's too soon to get married? You are a girl - no boy wants to marry an old cow!"
"WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?"

"Why do you think all your friends are married?"
"Valar Morghulis"

"You are next in line, eh? Eh? Eh?"
"Dracarys!"

"Why won't you get married?"
"Winter is coming"

"Your biological clock is ticking. Make babies before it's too late."
"WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?"

"I just told your mother about an alliance - your second cousin's maternal aunt's grandmother's sister's daughter-in-law's nephew. I am going to be responsible for you finally getting married, see."
"A Lannister always pays his debts"

"Give us one good reason you won't marry this boy who is oh-so-wonderful on paper."
"Hodor"

Extra points for assuming the tone and expression of the character.
What say?

PS: GoT is Game of Thrones. If you do not know that is, you must be that frozen early man they thawed back to life.
PS Reloaded: Hodor

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Fog

Pathways were no more clear, the destination blurry.
Faces moved past, unrecognizable.
People belonged to the world, yet not my world.
Closest friends, dissolved.
But voices. Voices rang clearer.
Whispers deafening.
And in that dense fog, I found an intense sense of clarity.

I found my contact lens.

PS:
I recently had to go the 8 kms between my house and the eye doctor to get my eye checked up. Broken glasses. Forbidden contact lens. Invoked a lot of emotions, I must say. :D